Over the years many beliefs and ideas have influenced the way I act and/or think throughout my day to day. These beliefs may be based upon religion, beliefs relating to my own personal morals and values, or simply based on how I perceive the events happening around me. A belief that I have found myself becoming more fond of and finding more relevant in my life throughout my most recent years is the idea of karma. The main principal of this belief is basically that you will get what’s coming to you, good or bad, based on your actions and how you treat others. I have been aware of this concept for quite some time, but only recently has it become more relevant and undeniably true to me. And I am aware that the idea of karma originated as a doctrine of the Hindu religion, I want to be clear that my confidence in this theory carries no religious ties to Hinduism whatsoever.
I suppose for starts I should lay out a few of the countless instances I could give which perfectly demonstrate relevance of karma in my life. For example, just a few weeks ago I was sitting at home feeling quite unproductive so I decided to go out on a jog so I could feel better about moping around doing nothing all day. So I changed into some workout gear, laced up my shoes and was off. About half-way through my run I found myself jogging by a small station wagon, and sitting there leaning up against the car was a clean, new-looking Ride snowboard with bindings. I noticed that as far as I could see in any direction, there was no one to be seen. Now I must admit that at this point I was extremely tempted to snatch myself a little early Christmas present; a new snowboard was one of the things I was really after this year because my current one was a little small for me, not to mention it wasn’t near as nice as the one glowing before me. However, my guilty conscience getting the best of me, I just kept on running thinking how upset I would be if my snowboard were to magically disappear. After another 5 minutes or so of running I decided I had gone far enough and turned around to head home. As I approached that station wagon I saw a young guy struggling to fit the board in his trunk. As I was passing by he stopped me, looking slightly frustrated but mostly unconcerned and said, “hey man, want a free snowboard?” Of course I gladly accepted, took my free snowboard and bindings and went on my merry way. To me this is a perfect example of karma. The thought of committing a bad deed and stealing a random, unsuspecting persons snowboard had crossed my mind, but I made the right choice and look what happened in return; I ended up with the snowboard anyways. Now many people would just say something like ‘oh that’s just a weird coincidence’, but that is just one of many stories I could share where a similar event took place. To me, that story is irrefutable evidence that karma is active in our lives.
---note--- not quite finished...more closure to come.
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Overall I enjoyed reading your essay. The topic sentence in your second paragraph I would sound more confident in what your talking about instead of saying I suppose... and you already stated you have more coming at the end I would just include maybe one or two more situations about karma to support your belief otherwise good job.
ReplyDeleteYou have a good start. I think the reflection about the event should happen in a conclusion rather then keeping it in the same body paragraph. Also there are some repetitive words that come up either in the same sentence or very close together. You should consider starting out your body paragraph with a different transition.
ReplyDeleteThis is too general...I need you to nail down a specific idea. I really struggled to hold onto ONE key concept throughout. If it is about karma, then emphasize that -- and be explicit about it. Right now, I don't really feel like you're telling me something new or giving me a learning experience from this.
ReplyDeleteIM REALLY NOT SURE WHAT THE MAIN IDEA IS
ReplyDelete